All you
need is love, right? Valentine’s Day is
fast approaching and my thought was I would do a slight reflection on V-days of
the past. So I thought and thought and
thought. I really couldn’t remember any historic
moments in my past that rocked me to the core of my being.
So,
Valentine’s Day…I remember that in high school an awesome guy sent me flowers
to the office. I was thrilled…but the
card contained some sarcasm about “feeling sorry for me.” SO, I pretty much thought it was an
insult. Looking back, I think it probably
was not…what high school guy would buy a girl a whole bunch of red roses if he
was trying to be mean to her? Probably
none, but picking up on a guy picking on me and liking me simultaneously was
beyond my grasp back then. I also seemed
to have an aversion for a long time for anyone that would potentially treat me
nicely. This was NOT because I wanted to
be treated poorly, but it was more that I had NO CLUE how a woman should be
treated. I didn’t have that modeled for
me at home, so I just settled for never being anyone’s special someone, because
I thought I didn’t deserve it. Needless
to say, I spent most nights at home. Not
much has changed. Haha!
I
totally realize that my perception of romance WAS skewed growing up. I had envisioned it all so differently. You know, my imagination led me to believe
that “IT” was out there somewhere. The
dream relationship HAD to be there, and I was totally going to get it!!! Close your eyes, and envision it if you
will. (Wait…you have to read.) I had this vision that I would marry a guy in
a band. Probably a lead guitarist, or a
singer. I would have four perfect
children, three boys and one girl. I
would have this big house in LA with a swimming pool. I would wear bikinis a LOT. My man would never cheat on me, even though
he was in a band. (Realistic…) We would have a recording studio in our
house, and I would go listen to awesome bands record. I would have lots of dogs.
Soooooooo….I
have one awesome son and dogs. Some
wishes do come true. As time went on, I
started compromising more and more about relationships. My marriage failed miserably. I started to lose the battle with my
biological clock. My uterus and ovaries
plotted to kill me. It was either me or
them…I chose me. They are in the garbage
somewhere. However not being able to
have children thins down a gal’s prospects I am sure. As well as age…sigh. I started accepting the fact that I would
never have this thing called romance. I
am not sure I even knew what the heck romance is. Is it even real?!
My
definition of love is complex. My
definition of romance is simple.
Unexpected text messages that tell me they heard a song and thought of
me…a random card in the mail…a surprise weekend together without distractions…making
dinner together…a drive in the country stopping to look at stars and maybe a
slow dance to a song on the radio. Hell…it
really IS that simple. A gal can dream,
right?
I am wishing
a Happy Valentine’s Day to you a little early, my friends. Remember…if you HAVE a Valentine, don’t take
them for granted. Hugs and such…Lori Meanwhile, it looks like I have an admirer... ;)
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