Sand, Rocks, Beauty and Life...YES it really makes sense.

      Beautiful, is a word that conjures up many meanings for many different people. The definition of the word means to please the senses or the mind aesthetically.  It is something that I have been chasing since I was a young girl.  I have pursued all things that are beautiful.

 

          I used to be fascinated for hours and hours when I was little girl sitting in a pile of sand, sorting out the tiny rocks into different colors.  There were pinks, yellows, reds, crystal clear and even  jade green little bitty rocks inside of that giant pile of sand.  Some people might have looked at the way I spent my time as a waste.  Other people might have looked at that pile of sand and saw just that…sand.  I looked at that mound of petite rocks as an adventure.  When I saw it, I saw the potential for hidden treasure.  I saw it as an opportunity to dig deeper.  I absolutely KNEW that inside of that pile of bland tan gritty mass were little specks of phenomenal beauty.  Sometimes I sat down and found an agate right away!  Other times I had to search awhile for something pretty, digging and sorting until something stood out.  Then there were times that there were things that may not seem very striking at all, but rather it was more of a uniqueness.  Perhaps I found rocks with tiny holes in them, maybe a little fossil or an exceptional shape.  There were times I would find tiny pieces of clay, sometimes deep shades of terra cotta or bright golden yellows.  I would then take the time to make the mark of the clay color on my notebook to remember it by.

 

          Honestly, as I sit here reflecting on myself mining through the sand for treasure, an immense feeling of peace and calm overwhelms me.  I can easily discern that in my often chaotic childhood that this act of seeking was therapeutic to me.  To this day, there is nothing more serene to me than to sit on a picturesque beach by a lake looking for rocks.  Listening to the waves lapping on the shore, the simple repetitive movement of water brings serenity and finding rocks and holding them in my hands grounds me.  It is a little known fact that I collect rocks even today.  Simply putting these words out there gives me that same sensation of joy and silence.  I love that I can generate this kind of absolute stillness within myself by just ruminating about the subject.

 

          So, while pondering on this topic today, I realized how applicable this search for minute specks of splendor is SO important to our lives.  The ability to see beyond the surface of the people in our lives is the difference between simply passing someone by because of their exterior and creating deep and meaningful relationships with a person as we have taken the time to excavate beyond the surface.  Sometimes you sit down with somebody and right away you find this glimmer and spark inside of them that immediately got your attention.  Other times you have to burrow a bit a more, take some time, wait and then linger even more before you find the treasure.  Then there are those moments where it may be hard to find the riches that lie within the person in front of you.  Perhaps this person has lived a lifetime of painful experiences, perhaps this person is not ready to reveal that which makes them feel vulnerable.  However, I assure you that it is THERE.  It may be in the form of that rock with holes in it.  Their treasure may be the fact that they are imperfect with the anguish in which they have suffered.  Their inner beauty may be the fact that they have survived, despite the holes.  Conceivably, it could be that their inner gifts may be like that fossil that has hardened over time.  Their blessings to the world were once alive and vibrant, but over time and disappointment a shell, tough as nails, formed over the surface.  Can we help them dust off those dreams again?  Maybe their treasure is like the clay, making a mark where ever they go leaving an impression for us to learn from?  There is something.  We ALL have SOMETHING. 

 

          Beauty is in the eye of the beholder; however we need to peel back the layers sometimes to discover it.  Today, may you take that time to really process your surroundings.  Find the beauty in the crisp air, the snow, the sparrows and the frozen water.  Also take the time to dig a little deeper and make some marvelous connections to the fellow human beings we share our space with.  Look at everyone with new eyes.  See an adventure that you are willing and able to invest in.  Your life will be renewed and I can guarantee you that you will learn a staggering amount about YOURSELF.  We have the capacity to not only ignite and refurbish the flames within someone else, but this act of discovering the blessings others have to offer will in turn repair our own souls.  Like the child in the sandbox searching for tiny rocks, you will find it rejuvenates you and brings you harmony and freedom. 

          I love you all.  Unearth some treasures today.

 

I was pondering about some things the other day.  Mostly the fact that throughout my lifetime I have had words burned into my memory.  Envision my brain waiting inside some stockade gates and a searing red hot metal rod with some nasty term scorches itself onto my gooey gray matter.  This is obviously the vision my over-active imagination paints, however for me it has really been so remarkably true.

            Regardless of how I tried in the past to focus on the positive, it did not come easily to me.  I grew up around fairly constant put-downs.  I learned I was a loser, a ‘lifer’ in this town, my interests weren’t something to be commended, my good grades were insignificant because I would never go to college, that I would never make it as an artist, that no matter how hard I tried my efforts were futile.  My heart of hearts told me that was SO wrong, but eventually I came to doubt myself.  I started feeling like maybe those words were correct.  I literally heard them every day in SOME form.  It was truly agonizing, and I HATE to admit it but those things really beat me down.  I was worn out by the words; they sucked the life out of me.

 

            As time went on, and I became interested in boys the words I heard at home made it all too acceptable to involve myself with the same type of people.  I remember every cruel remark that guys ever made to me.  I was frequently called ugly.  My facial features picked over as if I was not even REAL…saying things in front of me that I dare say were so mean that it would cut to the soul of even the most hardened heart.  I had been told to feel LUCKY by certain people I dated; because surely they were doing me a favor…no one else would date someone so unattractive.  At 110 pounds I had been called fat several times actually.  They would poke my runner’s thighs and say I could stand to lose some.  My arms were too hairy, my nose too big…and my lips…well those got made fun of all the time.  I recall one time that I came out of the bathroom at a fellow’s house that I was dating to have him say “Jesus Christ, go back in the bathroom and fix yourself up…you look like a pile of shit.”  In front of my friends and his friends he said this, and for a young lady that was a deeply traumatic moment. 

            The way the girls treated me in school was far worse on a level of the brutality scale.  Although a virgin, I was a slut and a whore according to them.  I was also the ugliest creature on the planet, and heard that daily.  If I didn’t hear it verbally nearly every hour at school every day, they were very kind as to give me written reminders; all over the walls in the bathroom…all over my locker…all over my car.  Not to mention the vandalism to my property, and the theft of things that were important to me that went along with this. 

            I think about all of this now and wonder how it was that I was so fragile that I believed them?  I think that truly this is a testament to the power that we all throw forth on a daily basis with what we say.  Our words and intentions can be a formidable force for all that is good, beautiful, inspiring and joyful.  Our words and intentions can be an astounding and malevolent beast for all that is wicked, foul, vile and malicious as well.  Our words have the capacity to uplift and sustain someone that is suffering, and by the same token our words can injure and weaken the same person.

            In my lifetime I had been conditioned to believe that which was spoken to me, and subsequently surrounded myself with the only kind of people I thought I was worthy of…and unfortunately my expectations were not that high.  I look back and think of the opportunities I may have missed because I thought that I wasn’t good enough for so many people.  I am certainly thankful for being able to clearly see that so often mean and judgmental words are truly the feelings and inner workings of the person who is saying them regarding their beliefs about THEMSELVES.  It has nothing to do with me; I am simply the trigger that enacted such feelings.  I know I pushed a few buttons back in my school days by simply being myself.  I wore band shirts and miniskirts with Chuck Taylor high tops.  My eyeliner was too dark, my leather hat was ‘weird’, my laugh was too loud and I was a nerd.  I think that maybe because I was authentic to myself, that this caused stress in others.  At least I am proud that I stuck with my guns and remained who I was despite the fact that it was not well received.

            So, today I ask you to be mindful of what you say.  Remember that those that surround you on a daily basis in your family listen to every word you say.  Please, make sure you are lifting them up with your words.  In your relationships, be aware that you have the capacity to bring someone the greatest gifts with what you say to them…be kind, be passionate, be a loving person…see them with eyes that are full of love every single day.  We deserve that much.  In your friendships, remember to value those that have chosen to remain with you and by your side.  Be sure to honor them, treasure them and tell them how awesome they are.  Finally, in our everyday life we have the power to make an impact on other people by simply being kind.  We can SMILE.  We can send out a random compliment to a stranger.  We can build up our communities with love…that not only includes in person, but also our activity online.  Be nice.  You may make a new friend…and at the very least, you won’t be the cause of a nasty burn in someone else’s brain.

            I love you all!!  XO  Lori

V-day...Does romance exist without electric guitars and spandex???

                All you need is love, right?  Valentine’s Day is fast approaching and my thought was I would do a slight reflection on V-days of the past.  So I thought and thought and thought.  I really couldn’t remember any historic moments in my past that rocked me to the core of my being. 

                So, Valentine’s Day…I remember that in high school an awesome guy sent me flowers to the office.  I was thrilled…but the card contained some sarcasm about “feeling sorry for me.”  SO, I pretty much thought it was an insult.  Looking back, I think it probably was not…what high school guy would buy a girl a whole bunch of red roses if he was trying to be mean to her?  Probably none, but picking up on a guy picking on me and liking me simultaneously was beyond my grasp back then.  I also seemed to have an aversion for a long time for anyone that would potentially treat me nicely.  This was NOT because I wanted to be treated poorly, but it was more that I had NO CLUE how a woman should be treated.  I didn’t have that modeled for me at home, so I just settled for never being anyone’s special someone, because I thought I didn’t deserve it.  Needless to say, I spent most nights at home.  Not much has changed.  Haha!

                I totally realize that my perception of romance WAS skewed growing up.  I had envisioned it all so differently.  You know, my imagination led me to believe that “IT” was out there somewhere.  The dream relationship HAD to be there, and I was totally going to get it!!!  Close your eyes, and envision it if you will.  (Wait…you have to read.)  I had this vision that I would marry a guy in a band.  Probably a lead guitarist, or a singer.  I would have four perfect children, three boys and one girl.  I would have this big house in LA with a swimming pool.  I would wear bikinis a LOT.  My man would never cheat on me, even though he was in a band.  (Realistic…)  We would have a recording studio in our house, and I would go listen to awesome bands record.  I would have lots of dogs. 

                Soooooooo….I have one awesome son and dogs.  Some wishes do come true.  As time went on, I started compromising more and more about relationships.  My marriage failed miserably.  I started to lose the battle with my biological clock.  My uterus and ovaries plotted to kill me.  It was either me or them…I chose me.  They are in the garbage somewhere.  However not being able to have children thins down a gal’s prospects I am sure.  As well as age…sigh.  I started accepting the fact that I would never have this thing called romance.  I am not sure I even knew what the heck romance is.  Is it even real?! 

                                My definition of love is complex.  My definition of romance is simple.  Unexpected text messages that tell me they heard a song and thought of me…a random card in the mail…a surprise weekend together without distractions…making dinner together…a drive in the country stopping to look at stars and maybe a slow dance to a song on the radio.  Hell…it really IS that simple.  A gal can dream, right? 

                I am wishing a Happy Valentine’s Day to you a little early, my friends.  Remember…if you HAVE a Valentine, don’t take them for granted.  Hugs and such…Lori  Meanwhile, it looks like I have an admirer...  ;)

 

What Flowed Through my Mind This Morning

Inspiration is all around us.  The energy and brilliance of that which gives us electricity flowing through our bodies can be found around us at any given moment if we can peel back the film from our eyes which prevents us from clearly seeing such muses. I see my muses in the bee that drinks sweet nectar and collects pollen on his tiny legs.  I see my muse in the vibrant red maple leaves twisting and turning on their stems in the crisp autumn breeze.  My muse can be a horse galloping with happiness through a grassy field or a simple dandelion that has gone to seed.   My inspiration flows in streams and rivers, floats delicately on quiet lakes, moves gently among the leaves in the trees, scurries quickly with the squirrels, swiftly flies with birds, delicately drifts like the scents of spring flowers, sways repetitively to the timing of the breeze like the tall grass of summertime and dances elegantly like a butterfly in the sky.  The immense beauty that our own earth provides all of us is the power supply to what makes my heart tick.  I love to share with others this incredible gift we have been given through my photographs, and honestly that feels like such a tremendous blessing.  The ability to see the tiny details and intricacies of the miracle of nature all around me and to allow others to partake in this vision through my eyes is priceless.

If I am able to give someone else the gift of being able to slow down, to ponder, to wonder and question, then I have given them the ability to unlock within them their own creative desires.  What an amazing contribution it is to be able to help ignite the fire within someone to be able to observe the astonishing splendor that our planet had provided us to enjoy.  Perhaps by inspiring others, I am allowing them to express their own hidden artist?  This action alone may kindle the future of another person to express that which they see by photograph, painting, drawing or words.  There is always room for more artists, and I truly believe we all have one; sometimes living boldly or sometimes suppressed within us.  To be able to give this part of us a voice, means to pay it forward to others and share our visions with the masses.

Truly, it is an art to be able to see the intricacies in our lives.  My spirit and passion for the world around me is a gift I intend on sharing.  My inspiration surrounds me daily, and for that reason I am richly consecrated.  I feel I am obligated to share my aptitude in capturing my visualizations with my camera to enrich the lives of those around me.  I want to give them all the ability to see the same wonder with which my eyes see every day.  My inspiration, my zeal and my delight comes with a camera strap and my imagination.